Sunday, May 29, 2011


I have just realized a little trend in a society,where humans get influenced easily by others just to impress people. So stupid of you boy,to lure girls into liking them. You are a little below from the desperate and pathetic level. How a boy from religious school and acting like a holy person,turned into a person who addicted to a bitch. So it's exactly true as the saying goes never judge a books by its cover. People change,but i never expect you will change into worse.Well done,really. :D
I hope one day you will found that your imitation had embarrassed you enough,fake pious boy.

Ah,for those who say the hurting lines to me,am sorry,but i don't give a slice of damn. Remember my sweetie,anger is the condition where the tongue works faster than your mind. So better hold it.  I am not gonna think about it,and it wasn't worth at all for me to think. As talk is cheap,and gossip is fake,so just keep your mouth shut. Better changed your effing attitude noobs and enough that!

here i am,standing still. :) 


Saturday, May 28, 2011


 to get what you love,you must first be patient with    
                              what you hate ;)

♥ ♥

Thursday, May 26, 2011


Do you ever give a celebrity answer whenever people ask you about your relationship with somebody and you would answer"HEY WE'RE JUST FRIENDS. WE'RE NOT DATING EACH OTHER OKAYY!" And you would like turned up giving a shitty face like you were really annoyed by the question. Padahal dalam hati "oh maii godd,dorang gosipkan aku dgn dye. sukenye sukenya." AAHHHH,take my middle finger please! I mean,heck,why don't you just tell them the real story? CONFESS PLEASE. How long you gonna hide it? You said you were not dating each other,but your appearance narrated the exact story. If you were not mentally dating,then does you need to hang out each and every second together,texting from day to night,acting so sweet in front of others,writing an entry about him/her in your blog,making a status about her/him in your facebook,hey we're not blind lah. We are so hell annoyed and if we could,we gonna punch you in your face. To these kind of people;
                                          go get hit by the bus!

As i had told before,i am not interested in love nor chaps. I love the way i am right now. And i guess love doesn't work out for me,and hey I'm cool with that. I am being extra strong nowadays,hell true. I need no one for me. I need a break,so would you understand that? I am not bothering flirting or being bitchy with any other guy out there simply because i wanna get over my past. I'm doing things in my own way. Mine is simple,i am not dwelling on my past anymore. What stays there,stay. I am strong now,and its kinda impossible to break me. And please,stop minding so much about my life. Stop judging me on what to do or what not. Why did people loves to judge others from their outer layer? Heck,i wish you would drowned into your pure jealousy. I love things rolling on my way,and you can never talked shit about it. I swore,i ll teach you a lesson if you still wanna mess up with me. I've gone through silence for a long time and let creatures stepped on me,but not for this time. And i don't need any solid proof to mark my words.

Also,so DAMN what if i wanna talk English or talk shit? Just because I'm Malay,then i can't talk English? Is that what you think? Such a DUMB thinking. Am i being an arrogant or selfish human if i talk in English? Shame on you. Mark this,i never ask you to fit into my life. If you don't like me the way i am,then go straight to hell and no one would give a damn about it. Call me demanding,call me rude,but my attitude is exactly based on how you treat me. 


Tuesday, May 24, 2011


satu hari nanti,aku harap kau tahu apa rasanya diperanjingkan.

satu hari nanti aku harap kau rasa tertelan kuningnya kencing kau sendiri.

satu hari nanti aku harap kau makan semua ludah hanyir yang kau pernah janjikan pada aku.

satu hari nanti aku harap kau rasa apa rasanya emosi disondol oleh manusia yang raja berpurapura.

Monster inside us.

Trust me,you need no one in order to survived. All you ever need is yourself. I always believed that everything happened for a reason. Things go wrong so you can appreciate them when its right. You believe lies so you learn to trust no one except for yourself. Other people will always let us down,i've had it enough.I would just let things roll on my back,and figure out the best way to solve it out rather than running from it. I can run but i cannot hide. I rarely cried these few days,and this is such a positive sign for me,aiyaiyai! ;)

; datang bersama segudang gulagula,pergi bersama racun bisa. dayusnya anda ;)

Monday, May 23, 2011


I truly respect the people who stays strong even they have every right to break down.  
My big bro once said to me while he was calling me past few night;When you think your life's sucks,just think to yourself about how many people have it worse. Stay strong requires lots of hard works. So,work it. You know you can do this mohd kamal's daughter! hoyyeah! ;)

In anyways,we've all changed. Some for the better,some for the worse. 
How about you?

Saturday, May 21, 2011

You cant fight fate.

Sometimes,i am the kind of person who can just tell someone about what i feel and sometimes my mouth is zipped and locked.Whenever i am surrounded by an ocean of problems,then i will be a person who can open up easily. I tried not to be that person,but i cant. I know i am weak for not able controlling my life how it supposed to. But yeah,i am not perfect,neither are you. I am constantly blame myself for not being good enough. I wish i wasn't like this. I wish i was stronger. I wish i don't care about all those stuffs but it bothers me more. I am trying to stop putting a high expectation over something and get over the fact that life wasn't mean to be fair. So it will be much simpler and i hope it will lessen the pain i felt inside.

No amount of guilt can change the past and no amount of worrying can change the future. Go easy on yourself,for the outcomes of all affairs is determined by ALLAH'S decree. If something is meant to go elsewhere,it will never come your way,but if it's yours by destiny,from you it cannot flee.
-Umar ibn Khattab RadiyAllahuAnhu

; Maybe GOD has a better plan for me in the future.  Ameen :)

Friday, May 20, 2011


     Tell me why did things must be 
            so fucked-up to me?  

The bad phase seems like have no end. I am fucking jaded.
Life,you are not well behaved. You are always unfair.
; ini fasa terburuk selama lapanbelastahon aku berhidop. Kuatkah aku,Rabbi?

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Never easy.

Hence,its so frustrating to try to explain. I wish you could just know exactly how i feel towards you.Maybe i am wrong for attached myself so strongly to people,and when they're gone,part of mine is too.I try to convinced myself that it doesn't matter or bother me. But it usually bothers me more.There are reasons we met,reasons for the good and bad times,and more importantly a reason to an end. We have more to learn,to experience and more loving left in this world. Love that we cannot have is the one that last the longest,hurts the deepest and feels the strongest.Love also a risk,sometimes win,sometimes we lose.
Dont waste your time looking back on what you've lost. Move on,for life is not meant to be traveled backwards.
No one can ever change a person,but a person can be the reason someone change.


Wednesday, May 18, 2011

So,it's such a long time.

I got lotta of things to say to him but i just cant. Because its all just gonna be wasted. I dont know what should i do right now. I am mad at myself. Let me keep it to my self as if i ever told him,it will never change anything. So better left it unsaid. I am sorry. 

So if I ever see you on the street
I’ll pretend that I didnt see
And turn my face
No use in small talk anyways

Because if I look into your eyes
Then I’ll have to say goodbye
And that'll break my heart
So I wont even start
I wont even start

;you can fake smiles and laughter,but you cant fake your tears and your feelings!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Lets be a clean teenagers! :)

Lets go straight to the point. Siapa remaja yang dah bosan jadi remaja? Raise up your hand!Okay korang sama macam this one budak. Lets enjoy being a teenagers and not worry about growing up too fast! Hey budak enambelastahun,this is for you. Read and practice okay!
Have you ever being told by someone,"Heyya,childishnya you ney. BF pon takda ke? Grown up pleaseee! Hahaha,sbb takda bf korang kena grown up? Ptuih. Macam style je kan bila korang sebot ayat grown up tu kat org,but do you think you really know what grown up is all about? Being grown up means a lot of things okay. As for me,in this teenage age,i always remember to take responsibility which is suits my age. I will stand up for what is right but most of all,dont forget to have fun. Being 16,17,18 only comes once in your life.So enjoy!:D But remember,whatever you do now will exactly determine who you are in the next ten or twenty years.

Mark this words,always be true to who you are. It's such a normal things for you when you findout what group you fit in at school kan? So it's okay to explore. There will be a group that you like and it's not such a big problems if you can't really fit in with a certain groups. Come on,it's a ordinary little thing. Even adult mostly feel the same. Once you find "who you are"remain true to that person.Also,you don't need to tell your friends whatever you dont wanna them to know.Besides,it's none of their business aite? Tak kisahlah amenda pon yang memalukan tu,maybe you're a huge fan of BARBIE,or maybe you were still sleeping with your mom( I'M NOT :D ),yada yada,syhhh..! Dont bother telling them okay. Just keep it to yourself.

Be confident in who you really are. This is obviously a key to an individual strength. If you got a high-level confidence,then you will easily hit-off with everyone. As a adolescent,there were loads of change on your body,well your body is growing aite? And the worse part is you feel like every single one is staring at you and they were noticing the changes. Ohh no,they're not. Maybe korang rasa down sebab korang tak secantik model ke,artis ke,but hey,we grow and change differently. Just stay whre you are supposed to be!

Lastly,the one thing that will always make you look cool is be honest and avoid lying. It will make you look even worse than before. Takpayah malu nak mengaku salah. Kalo dorang bagi muka hina,takretireti nak bagi dorang penyepak? HAHA. Also,don't give up on things you like just because people assumed it as babyish. Plus,always think what is the effect from the things you done. Alcohol,drugs,and sex may seem grown up mature but realized,dah ramai manusia yang hidopnya jahanam kerana benda ney sume. Anddd,dont ever make fun of someone you don't know. You never know they may become your friends! Psst,i had experienced it. HOHO.

smile and good night :)

Monday, May 16, 2011

I only play to win.

Ohai. Just get back from secret recipe. Chilling with my gorgeous girlfriend. We were talking about loads of stuffs. We were reminisce our madness while we're in the highschool,talking about unfair u-p-u intake,talking about our future and yada yada. Pfft,everything is so F up to me. Okay skip that part. Hey badariah iskandar my rock star,thanks for the icelemontea and tiramisucake okay! I've attach a piece of you here! Please be proud. HA-HA-HA.

While lying on my bed,i got a sudden anxiousness thinking about my future. Lets say ten years from now and you noticed that the puzzle pieces is still not correctly matched or found. Doesn't that scary? INHALE.EXHALE. I've living for 18 years*OFFICIALLY will be on 8 of july,obviously i've facing loads of ups and downs. I have learn that not all wishes will come true. I learn that i need to walkaway with a new ambition and forget one that i've dreaming off since i was small.  I learn to put aside my feelings just to make a way for someone get their happiness and i learn that creatures will always let you down and all you gotta do is just ignore all the bullshit and keep moving forward. Sometime i found that this world is such a scary place and i often wanna escape reality. 

I'm jaded with everything and everyone sometimes. As time flying by,am praying for a better chapter of my life. Selamat malam. Mimpi comel.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

14 May 2011


Seven is enough aite? :) For more pictures,check out my facebook. Okay,budget artis. HAHA

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Will you miss me when im gone?

My life has gone through state of numb lately but i swear,today was swell. Today was the only exception. Am having loads of fun with my rockkk girlfriends,also with the bomb and hilarious boyfriends. Today was a well-spending day and the most fun and exciting since i feel like nothing impress me. Today's BBQ moment is the best. Wait,im gonna upload the picture later because the internet is kinda busted tonite. Anddd please BE envy okay the moment you look at it! :D Thank you guise for making such a really SUPERB day. 

; Psst,hey handsome,i just cant take my eyes off you :D

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Somewhere only we know.

One asked me,why must love being so painful? As for me,love is not painful or harmful. Love is the most magnificent and magical feeling ever. Love is the thing we have to experience and taste it.Truth is,love is never a pain. What hurts is lies. Broken promises hurts. Rejection hurts. Loneliness hurts,cheating hurts,envy hurts. Love is the only thing in this world that does not hurt. But most of people get things confused and messed up with love,but the reality is only love make someone feel wonderful again and simply covers up all the pain. 

I have taste love in my life. And i fell out of it. I am not the type easily fall for people. Many people manage to catch my sight,but few capable to capture my heart. Now,nothing left to said. Love actually a feeling we cant control. And that's maybe the major reason when he told me he love me,then he move on to someone else? Depends. Take caution,as the person that construct a lovely fairytale in your life could change it into your worst nightmare ever. Right now,i just want to be free and do not bother think about feelings until i can find someone that can make my heart say yes and finally open up for him.

Realize that people change and feelings fade,make me feel like,oh okay,lets make a wall between me and him and a pure silence to confront with everything. Is that okay?  I already told him to stop knocking on my door. Because i thought there's nothing left to say,truthfully,its none.I just dont wanna be part of him. Not anymore,not again. And i knew,he also have the same idea. So please,just dont. You should always bear in your mind,that one word can't change and cover up all the pain.
Its just cant. Just fly your way. Fly and follow where it takes you. I tend to forget you and my past.

Don't afraid of love. Its coming your way! :)

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Shame on you.

Satu perkara yang asyik hentam kepala aku sekarang ialah,asal orang sekarang sangat berlagak?Memang korang pandai,hebat,genius,yada yada,then is that a solid reason for you to boast sana sini,to show off? Come on,semua pinjaman guys. Apa mahu berlagak taktentu hala. Kau kecoh satu dunia pasal nak masok this uni,that uni,simply because it's famous. Korang nak education ke nak glamour? Tu bolehlah aku kompromi kan. Yang paleng tak boleh blah,bila kawankawan kau cakap dorang just masok form 6,ko boleh bagi muka hina. Alamak,tabik berkahak la untuk kau. Apa kau ingat masok form 6 takda masadepan ke? Kau ingat kau blaja kat u power,terjamin sgt ke? Kalau nawaitu kau dah songsang,takda makna weh. 

Yang paling aku kecewa la kan,ada certain orang yang aku kenal,masa before study,sangatlah baik. Sumpah aku cakap. Dgn tudung besar,budak sekolah agama lagi tu,lelaki mahu perempuan sama je,sekali tengok macam takda dosa la kan. Last last bila study,macam haram. Ptuih.Aku bukan nk mengata sgt,cuma dorang patot ingat la ape dorang pernah kata kat aku. Aku takmau cakap lebeh sebab tuhan nak balas sekejap je pon. Cuma ye lah kan,dulu korang pernah pandang aku takda mata. Sebab nampak aku macam budak takda masadepan,pakaian pon tak sesopan kalian,tapi sekarang? Dulu korang kata aku bergaul rapat sgt dgn lelaki,walhal aku keluar lepak ramairamai je pon. Dulu kau kata kau taksuka baik sangat dgn pompuan,now look who's addicted with a bitch? It fly back shitting on your face. Pathetic.

Aku tak kata aku sempurna. Niat aku takda nak kata kat sesiapa. I never tend to be rude. Cuma aku luahkan rasa kesal aku lah kan. Janganlah kita nak berlagak sangat. Semua pinjaman je kan. Sorang pernah cakap kat aku yang sampai mati pon aku akan ingat. "Awk mmg cantik,tp cantik je takcukop. Perangai pon nak kena cantik." At first i was like,whaaaatt? Kau siapakah nak nasihat aku? But then i take and see it from the positive side. I mean,loads of people does not have the guts to say that to you but he is brave enough. So thanks lah. Maknanya mungkin perangai aku banyak yang perlu diubah. So,korang pon macam tu lah. Cikgu disiplin aku pernah cakap masa aku kena kaunseling kes ponteng zmn skolah dulu,"sdgkan michael jackson pon mati" Mulamula aku dgn kwan aku gelak guling2 la kan,amende kaitan MJ dgn aku  ponteng. HAHAHA,macam jakun aku kan. But actually aku paham maksod dia. Even org yang jdi idola mcm tu pon akhirnya mati,so kita pon sama lah kan. Buat pe nak berlagak sgt? So pada sesiapa yang nk brlagak dgn aku jomlah.
Aku ada ego s tauuuu! Kau adaaaaa? HAHAHAHA. Itu gurauan pada sesiapa yg taktahu. Ok bye.


Monday, May 9, 2011

Take a rehab.

Siapa nak lepak dgn saya ini malam? Jom lah. Kita borak kosong dekat kopitiam sampai larot malam. Sungguh saya bosan. Walaupon baru balik merewang.
OH INDULGENCE.aku rindu kau! 

mood; bbq oh bbq. cant wait for youuu ;)

Sunday, May 8, 2011

She is my forever-loved.

You are my one and only. I am nothing without you.
You are the greatest and strongest women on earth i could treasure.
I am so glad and grateful for having you as my mama. 
I could never imagine how could my life will be without you.
 Nothing can compare your love to me

With love,
your princess :)

Saturday, May 7, 2011


My eyes were swollen from the tears i shed.
By now,i am feel veryveryvery weak. Thinking about things that about to happen.
It was such a drastic change. I never thought i would facing all these. Never.
I never ready for this. I should expect less.The more i expect,the harder thing is.
I wish i could restart everything. This is hard for me. So hard. 
I hope i could sleep away the sadness today. But i cant. I dont wanna fall to pieces.
But stay strong need more effort than it seem. 
Sorry to both of you.I am not as good as others.
I always wanna be your number one,and no one can talk shit about it.
But i missed it. I am sorry.

Friday, May 6, 2011

I gotta whisper cos i cant be too loud.

                              EARPHONE IN
                                 MUSIC ON
                            WORLD OFF.

Its just a wish. And not all wishes comes true sayang :)

Thursday, May 5, 2011

I dont belong here.

Everything is changing now. People are forgetting who they are. Everyone wants to fit in and when they finally get the chance to,they leave the people they care about for the people that dont care about them. -unknown

Im currently suffering such a critical sickness. No cure,seriously. Does ever heard about Hypophrenia? It cant be seen. Only me can feel it. Only me. Its a sickness where you found yourself overwhelmed by a feeling of sadness seemingly without a cause. There's a moment in life when you get tired of chasing everything and everyone. So am i doing here. But i chose to see the world with an optimistic eyes. And i figure out that somehow,there are times,silence is the loudest voice. So i will remain here,silently.

Do you still remember this words? Yes,its you making a fake confession. You lied to me. You doesnt like me the way i am. You doesnt love me the way i am. Bear that in mind. :)


Here's the feeling,again.

Sometimes,the simplest advise you give to others is the hardest for you to follow.
I am a mess,i confess. I am complicated. I am hard-headed. Im decode.
Its hard to explain what do i want these nowadays.
I hate my past a lot,but i miss most of it.
See,i told you. I'm a mess and complicated.
Stop asking me,as i'm zipping my mouth.
Your words remains in my heart,locked forever.


Wednesday, May 4, 2011



                       A wise man sat in the audience and cracked a joke.
                                                      Everybody laughs like crazy.
                        After a moment,he cracked a same joke again.
                                                   This time,less people laughed.
                          He cracked the same joke again and again.
                  When there is no laughter in the crowd,
                          he smiled and said;
         you cant laugh at the same joke again and again.
         but why do you keep crying over the same thing over
                                            and over again? 

There are just certain things in life that are better off unknown.
Things you wish you never asked,never saw,never heard,or never even felt.
KARMA will hit you up. Remember,what goes around always comes around.

Monday, May 2, 2011

I wanna be better than yesterday :)

Im not okay today,and mignt not be 
tomorrow but i'm going to try a lot harder from now on. I dont want to feel 
this way anymore. I dont want this
nothingness that has tangled around my heart.

May ALLAH SWT make us stronger to face those inevitable challenges in our life. May HE strengthen our imaan.

Life is like a remote control. Lets leave it to GOD and let him choose the best channel for us :) 

Keep moving forward and dont give a fuck.

I dont understand humans. I cant understand humans. And probably never will. In your life,there are the ones that make your world happy or devastated. And they might be the one who holding your heart or secrets or whatsoever will be. But at the end of the day,you will find that they are all just gonna be wasted because they dont last forever. Well nothing is permanent in this life. People fade and change. You cant always count on them. You cant always preferring they would always will stand and be by your side. They will say they love you one,and end up break your heart. So right now,i still looking yet dont get the point staying and living with these kind of creatures when all they do is just break you apart.

OH,i really wanna take this time to say this something to that someone;
THANK YOU for ripped out my heart,munched it like a monster,stepped over it,breaking and crushing it into pieces and just left it there. Yes everything is said and done. Dont worry,i dont blame you as i know i am not perfect. My lackness is so here and there. I just blame my heart most for falling for a wrong person. I hardly fall for a person and thats clearly explain why. I just wonder huh boy,does you only feel love for a few single moments and then move on to someone else? If its true,wow,you are amusing! And highly thank you for being the reason of my life breakdown. 

Just so you know,i've gotten over the past. I've moved on. You teach me that every magnificent things end up as a rubbish. Great job. Stop acting like you care about me,as you didnt appear that way. And fyi,i am not a toy. That you can play when you bored,and throw away when you dont need it. I am human,and i have feelings. Note that. Bye.

*long-written. little bit emo. so long,n i g h t.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

So long and watch me bleed.

                                                GOODBYE APRIL.
                    you have being the month that i cried most.Till then,goodbye for now.
please be nice to me.At least,give me back my smile.I miss it much.