Sunday, November 27, 2011

Deep wells.


There are some things about myself I can’t explain to anyone. There are some things I don’t understand at all. I can’t tell what I think about things or what I’m after. I don’t know what my strengths are or what I’m supposed to do about them. But if I start thinking about these things in too much detail, the whole thing gets scary. And if I get scared, I can only think about myself. I become really self-centered, and without meaning to, I hurt people. So I’m not such a wonderful human being.

Haruki Murakami (A Slow Boat to China)

Friday, November 25, 2011

Hiding My Heart.

"Your heart is like a great river after a long spell of rain, spilling over its banks. All signposts that once stood on the ground are gone, inundated and carried away by that rush of water. And still the rain beats down on the surface of the river. Every time you see a flood like that on the news you tell yourself: That’s it. That’s my heart."

Monday, November 21, 2011


The clock is ticking,the hours are going by. Contented my self with a whole lot of thinking,finally my heart said,I don't miss him anymore. Most of the time,anyway. I want to,I wish to,but its true,time does heal. Of course it hurts that we can't love each other in physical way. We would have been far more happy if we had. But that was like the tides, the change of seasons,an immovable destiny we could never alter. No matter how cleverly we might shelter it, our delicate relationship wasn't going to last forever. We were bound to reach a dead end. That was painfully clear. I had enough of getting lost in my sadness,like I have been set a flame. I found it difficult to see anything except the darkness of my sadness. The pain stops,there are new people,but the gap never loses.You can pour water over me,and I'm damp and distracted but can never cure my sadness,just the way fire department can douse a fire but never recover what has been burnt down.

--This hole in my heart is in the shape of you and no-one else can fit it.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Small Revelation.

Lost opportunities, lost possibilities, feelings we can never get back. That's part of what it means to be alive. But inside our heads - at least that's where I imagine it - there's a little room where we store those memories. A room like the stacks in this library. And to understand the workings of our own heart we have to keep on making new reference cards. We have to dust things off every once in awhile, let in fresh air, change the water in the flower vases. In other words, you'll live forever in your own private library.

--Haruki Murakami,Kafka on the Shore

Tuesday, November 15, 2011


So I guess we are who we are for whole lot of reason. Even we don't know some of it.
Day passes,life passes. Just like that. And in a blink of eye,two thousand eleven will end.
2O11 is just not my year and I'm still trying to be okay with it.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Je t'adore

Three weeks doesn't seem long enough and today,will be back there again. I am not ready,not prepared,but what to do,I need to get out from my comfort zone and start studying back. Weehuu,seven subj,tell me do you excited to meet me as much as I DID DARLINGGGGG? Fuhhh.

Yesterday was Friday,*okay everybody knew that*,went out with the girls for some pocket-thinning session. Had our breakfast at Old Town,went here and there,the best part is searching for our BEST FRIEND FOREVER HOUSE,but too bad we doesn't found it,call you're just lucky bitch for this time. :D Sorry sarah,I took this picture from your previous entry,pweety please don't call it stealing,call it sharing. He he.

That is all,wrapped it up here. ;)

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Sequel NO more.

I received a call from one of my guy friend last night,and I accidentally answer it. It was so hard for me to answer his call because I don't feel like talking to him and anyone. But it was too late as I already pick up the call,and I talk to him as usual. He asked me why am I being so arrogant these days,but I leave the question hanging there. I hate when people judging me,I am not that arrogant or whatever but I have my own reason why I'm being ignorance and I don't think I need to banging it out loud to the world. Being in the state of numbing all the inevitable feelings,and totally lead myself to being ignorance towards people around me,I got my own justification of all my action. 

He said that he's calling me because he wanted to tell me a very important thing. And i replied him,tell me what is it all about then. Then he said,Ohh,Emm,I can't tell you right now,because I already make a promise to that someone,so you better wait for that someone telling you by itself. And its really pissed me off,when people are calling me and just wanted to play pull and push with me. Harsh tone,and I said,you were successfully pissed me off and I was about to hang up the conversation. Then he laughed,he said he just want me to be patient in waiting and hesitate-less I said,don't talk rubbish here,I am jaded of waiting and I wont wasting my other time of waiting for your news. Hearing my serious voice,he surrendered and he said he gonna forward the message from that someone to me.

There it goes,it revealed everything. I read it and feel nothing at all. I know "they" are trying to fail me and lie to me,but too bad I understand syntax. I understand your need to lie and the purpose of that rubbish message. I knew exactly behind your words,there are so many other things. I knew you wanna know whether I still care or not,I knew you wanna see my response,I knew you wanna break me,but dude on your face,I'm IZZA and I don't give a fuck. I know who am I and I know what I want,so you had failed to make me upset.

 --Have a long last SO-CALLED marriage. :D

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Disastrous Trend

 I came across an entry from other blogger and she's writing about the latest trend in teenagers nowadays. I called this trend as bullshit and only be done by such a sloddish because whenever they have a problems or whatsoever,they will scratched their skin until the blood pops out and upload all the pictures in Facebook just to look cool. Shame,I think all of you are such a brainless humans. 

Also,they will carve their lover's name at their hand just to impress their lover and people around them which I bet also have the same narrow minded like them too. Mostly this happened to the high school people,budak baru nak naik kan? Kamonlah budakbudak,korang couple pun bukan sampai kahwin kan? Nanti break,carve nama boyfriend baru pula,akhirnya nanti satu tubuh penuh nama yang dah jadi parut. Euwww kembang tekak ai membayangkan betapa menggelikan tubuh korang. 

--Baik korang fokus SPM,dapat result gempak,boleh jadi doktor,lepas itu bukan setakat toreh kulit luaran,organ dalaman pun korang boleh sentuh dan tengok. Setakat toreh kulit,tak rare lah wei.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Have you ever had a dream so vivid,it seemed real?

My figment of imagination keeps spinning round and round. Too much of it,too much. Life's still behaving like a jaded tape,repeating its old routines. I thought of breaking this monotonous routine and find something that can inspired me. Well really need somewhere to go,something to do. I had a thought that I should go out from this city and explore and just follow wherever it takes me. I hate when life becomes a routine,truly hate. Holidays gonna end in just the count of five days. And then,there comes the reality of being in uni again. The thought of study,of all the subj,all the books,the ass-ignments, the classes,simply build up the tenses in me. Oh la la think positive positive positive. Shit,I am making a promises to myself that I should lessen my times on sleeping,online and rambling when I hit semester two. My previous results was not really a news for me,so I totally have to exaggerating dangggg. Twenty credit hours*gasped* 

--Trust me campus life,I did not miss you as much as you miss me! -,-


Saturday, November 5, 2011

Heartbreak Warfare


I'm erased,I'm gone,I'm vanished,I never really existed. My life is scattered. No one will trust me if they were reading this,because I am really good in concealing my life. I'm good at the game of pure lies. I was thinking of regrets,when I stuck in myself,I want to restart my life. Its funny how weak I am. My soul is empty. Every way is wasted. Facing a screwed up feeling again,shit. 
The ghost of you keeps haunting. I refused to meet your gaze,because I knew it wasn't the same like it was before.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

November Rain.

"Yang selalu temankan aku sepi malam serta bunyi rintik hujan..
selalu ku pikir mungkin ku tengah melalui kifarah dosa-dosa silamku
tapi semakin aku cuba menyepi bisik hati ku bersuara..
hina sangat ke untuk ku hidu bau bahagia itu".