Monday, October 31, 2011

If my voice could reach back to the past.

The perfect planning just changed into the worst as we have to called it off at the very very last minute. We booked the hotel room already and even bought the tickets too. But what to do,just not our luck. The stumbling block just stopped us from going through our plan. Well,there's always gonna be next time right Sarah Sharif Masahor and Lili Limbong. Wish its doing better next time. 
Just now I am listening to a song in my old phone. The one that I've been using since fifteen,and just stopped using it since last 5 months. Then I just checking my inbox,and I stumbled upon my old conversation with someone. Too much of it,and even the picture that was sent for me is still there. Everything is there. The song you asked me to listen,and its still in my playlist,I remember called it our song,the nagging text when I skipped my meal,the morning text because you always woke up earlier than me,the random text saying how much you miss me. It brings me loads of memories. Your jokes,your fears,your story,I still remember every single of it. The very small piece of its just keep emerging,not a single bit removed even though the story is completely different now. I hate being alone in my private world,because that is the moment when I will miss you the most. 

--My hate towards you cannot grow bigger than my love towards you. 

Friday, October 28, 2011

Her Voice.

Suddenly my mind recalled my conversation with my mom back last three days I guess. We were in the car that time and we were talking about loads of stuff. She is asking me how's my life is going at the university,and I said everything just runs smoothly. She's asking about my previous examination,blah blah blah and I just answer her with an annoy tone voice as I don't want to talk about my exam thingy in my holiday mode. Then she paused into silence for a moment and I thought she is done with the questions because I bet she can read my mind how I sick with it. But a big no no there. She is asking me about my past. My past that used to build thousands of memories with me. My heart felt like being stabbed with a millions of needles and it hurts me to the core as all of the memories rushed through my mind at that time. She asked me does I still contact with the boy,and I said no mum. "There's nothing between us anymore,I thought I already told you about this?" And then she replied me,"Yes you already told me about that before". "Well,its been a while since both of you are going separate ways,does anybody at your university failed to capture your heart?" I laughed a bit,for I think her questions is kinda funny. Then I said,"Mum,I play hard to get. I don't want to be in a relationship with a wrong person again. There are many chaps that wanna make friends with me,but I just refused. I don't know why,but one of the reason is I don't wanna them to labelled me as a cheap person,an easy-to-get person. Then she said,"You can't have that thoughts. There is nothing wrong if you are befriending with everyone,it simply means you are companionable and I know you are smart enough to control yourself and your pride. People tend to think that you are arrogant if you are just keep going with your disdainful treat. Plus you would never be free from your past  if you don't try to get to know with new people in your life. Maybe some of the people that you add into your life had leave you,but remember they came with a reason and leave as a lesson. And the most important thing is,ask yourself,for how long you wanna covered your heart and feeling with a veil of brokenness? You must lift up the veil and see. For how long you wanna stay underneath your past memories? Why you wanna settle for less,while you deserve better? They left,so its their loss. 

I don't answer her after that. Not a single word. Because she really leave me in an endless thoughts. They left,so its their loss--you are truly right Mumster.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011


Its been a week,and I'm completely doing nothing. Just filling up my holidays with karaoke-ing segment with some of my buddies. Obviously boredom almost hit me. I guess everyone else is having their plans whatsoever while me...Dang pffft. My daily routine for this whole week of holidays is waking up at 12pm,having brunch after my shower,sticking with Facebook,Youtube,Blog,and Tumblr,and go to sleep again at 4 am. Ah a very old repetitive routine like shit. I want a break but I don't mean this kind of break. Gosh remember Izza, you would never get this opportunity again once you start with your new asshole semester two! The second semester with a 20 credit hours,kiss my ass for I have to slogging with my studies like a mad person! I am worrying more than much about my previous examination results. I pray that everything would just turn up okay. Lets just pray.