Thursday, September 29, 2011

You cant spit on my back and pretending its rain.

I get pissed a lot these days. People are getting more and more on my nerves. I'm fucked up about the things that consider as an irritating and fucking words by someone which I thought and treat as a friend. I am fucking tired of the noobs that keep judging and insulting me even though the reality she are triple fucking worse than me. Heck! It's my fucking damn life and I have the authority to do what I do,to wear what I want,and like it or not,its my life. Its my taste and you cant talk shit about that. God,gimme a break!

Acting like a saint people wouldn't work out anymore so enough that. At least I'm being myself and I didn't put the hypocritical acts just to fit in into a group. You step on my parents pride and guess you just wanna me keep the shit low? Oh hell,find another izza.  What you think is dumb. Well, I certainly am being honest,can't blame me for it. You can't be the only one being honest, now do you?


Saturday, September 24, 2011

Sometimes you have to be your own hero.

I guess it was just me who having an uninvited thoughts. 
Everything is a disaster for me.
I cant swallow this bitterness anymore. I swore this is true.
The pain is excruciating. I cant bear with anymore.
Not anymore.
Lemme sleep,without have to wake up anymore.
There are too many fragile things to handle after all,
and I'm scared if I break it all at the same time and lose it all.

; Ya Rabbi sedarkanlah aku bahawa hidupku masih panjang dan urusanku masih terlalu banyak belum selesai apatah lagi sempurna. Kuatkanlah ku Rabbi.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Despise me.

Truthfully,i hate the whole concept of envy. How I get envious seeing others life is great and how they lead them. How great their life is and I wish mine is like that too. How everything just runs smoothly and fits perfectly and how people adore them. How good they are in their studies and how successful they are. How attention always be given and never feel left out. How they got the simplicity and lead life so easily while I cant even make a simple decision. I truly hate the feeling of stupidity each time I fail,and watching everyone succeed.I wish I didn't have the feeling of insecurities as much as I did right now. I hate watching myself lacking every time. I guess I am nothing much differ than others and I got nothing special rather than fears and flaws than talents and beauty.

; Going out for the last time with my rock star since thirteen as she's gonna fly her way to Moscow,Russia to further her study in medic field. I was so proud of her. Like seriously,she was pretty much so adorable and inspired me to be like her. So long and till we meet again. :)

Tuesday, September 20, 2011


Ya Allah, jika saya bukan pemilik tulang rusuknya, janganlah biarkan saya merindukan kehadirannya.
janganlah biarkan saya, melabuhkan hati saya dihatinya..
kikislah pesonanya dari pelupuk mata saya dan jauhkan dia dari relung hati saya…

Gantilah damba kerinduan dan cinta yang ada didada ini dengan kasih dari dan padaMU yang tulus, murni…
dan tolonglah saya agar dapat mengasihinya sebagai sahabat.

Tetapi jika Engkau ciptakan dia untuk saya…
ya Allah tolong satukan hati kami…
bantulah saya untuk mencintai, mengerti dan menerima dia seutuhnya…
berikan saya kesabaran, ketekunan dan kesungguhan untuk memenangkan hatinya…

Redhai dia, agar dia juga mencintai, mengerti dan menerima saya dengan segala kelebihan dan kekurangan saya
sebagaimana telah Engkau ciptakan…
Yakinkanlah dia bahwa saya bersungguh-sungguh mencintai dan rela membahagi suka dan duka saya dengan dia…

Ya Allah Maha Pengasih, dengarkanlah doa saya ini…
lepaskanlah saya dari keraguan ini menurut kasih dan kehendakMU…

:' )

Sunday, September 18, 2011


 Same routine everyday. Same people. Same answers. Same way each day starts. Same way each night ends. It's equally just the same. Same,same,same.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Shut down.

Aku tak nak sedih fasal sampahsarap lagi. Dah cukup. Apa guna? Aku bukan pengemis.
Baik aku nangis fikir fasal final exam aku,nangis fikir fasal apalah banyak sangat aku bakar duit       lately ini,nangis fikir macammana cara terbaik nak TOLAK cinta lelakilelaki kayaraya,handsome,gebu,lazat yang kejarkejar aku tu. 

Hesh peninglah fasal yang ketiga itu. Ada cadangan baikkk tak? 
Kalau ada,pm aku.  ;)

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Skinny Love.

;It took me ages but I finally realized,you've changed. We have changed. Everything have changed.
I am still comfortable around you,but the feeling cant be the same like before. Well just maybe your feeling towards me is changing too. What i can feel is the smell of the broken,the lies,the abandoned heart,lies beneath words,but the worse is the feeling of you making me feel like i still have the chance while its totally no. We are making small talk because we have nothing to talk about,not like before. Any crappy talk would be the sweetest talk ever. Maybe its because we are drifted too far and forgot everything we've been through. Its like we are strangers. Strangers that put all the effort to re-friends again even though some people said befriend with someone that once the important person in your life is like your dog is died but your mom said,you can still keep it. But don't worry,my world no longer revolved around you. 

I am no good in reading what is playing in your head,what is spinning around in your mind,and whats the thing you locked in your heart. Just one thing goes for you. Life's too short to play games. If you love or like somebody and you want to be with them,then go get them. Deal with the mess later,we don't know what tomorrow will bring. I dont want you to regret the chances you didn't take. I wish you will find your truly happiness. I will be happy for you even deep down I wanna be part of your happiness and reason of your smile. I pray you will find the girl that you dreamed off,the girl that gonna lighted your world,the girl that wont curse you like i did. I throw you best of luck. ; )

the girl from your past.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Rock n Roll Survivor.

So,me hit up September with strange feeling. As usual. Holidays at home was snatched by the reality of being in uni again. Dang. There are too many to go through right now. Final examination coming's up and I don't wanna any spoiled alphabet to mark my result. Okay true fact,well I am super lazy to study now. This is totally sucks. Today the class should be starting at ten,but the lecturers shut it down at the very last minute,so yeah,that is a very good news for me.

Filling up the time with blogging,yeah call me irresponsible as I should used this time for study for I'm gonna have a test later. Ah,who cares. I'm hoping for the best for this test,and yeah lets just wish it will work. I wish.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Its time to stop the bleed.

Forget all the promises you cant keep,I wont be here anymore to wait for you. I wont let you have the satisfaction of knowing I will always be here waiting for you. Not anymore. There are so many fragile things,after all. People break so easily,and so do dreams and heart. I guess if you really love me,you should lemme moving on into my own ways. You cant mess up with my feeling,just because you are unsure of yours. If you really love me,you wont tied me with your fake promises which I know you cant keep,you wont fulfill. I just cant take it anymore even though something inside me just coming back for more,like you are part of me. Loving you is like hugging a cactus,the tighter I hold on,the more it aches. Now I knew that the past cannot be changed,erased,edited or forgotten. It can only be accepted. I don't know how many times did I forgive you just because I don't want to lose you,even though you don't deserve my forgiveness at all. People said that first love is the sweetest but that first cut is the deepest and the reason of my life breakdown. I just wanna shut down all this bullshit,forever. Don't knock my house,don't rang on my door,because I wont wait for you. I am jaded of being the one that remember everything while you seems don't remember me at all. You said you constantly facing the same shit like me,in which part tell me? Your life behaves better without me,completely okay without me,don't be denial,I'm not blind. You walked all over my heart and just left,amusing. 

; Just one thing,if one day she finally leave you,don't find me.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Hit me hard myriad of happiness,please.

Thank you lovelies for the wonderful time.

All of you are my superstars and I'm ma your rock star. Thank you for my smile until today. Here's a toast. To the good old days,best of friends. The people that have taught me how to live,how to have a good time by just sitting around,loads of thank you. I have lose some of my lovelies and I'm not looking forward to lose the rest. Please stay,for the sake of our friendship. Our high school moment is the most valuable things i could treasure. I miss our smile,our laughter. I miss all of you. May good luck be our friend in whatever we do and may bad things be a strangers to us. :) And for you my gorgeous NajlaHeartfilia,someday what you have been waiting for will hit you up. Someday. just keep praying,as Allah always listen to his slaves. Pray for me too,pretty.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011


Socializing can be exhausting as giving a blood. I get so tired of communicating. I am not the person that easily open up everything about the bullshit that I'm facing,so better stop asking me to narrated the whole story because basically it was such an idea of asshole. You don't know how many internal battles I have to fight daily. You dont know what I'm going through so shut the fuck up. Don't make me sick of you man. I don't need your attention,so stop giving me. It is okay to ask me how I'm going sometimes but don't act like you were the person that should know every single thing that I'm doing. It irks me a lot you know. You ask me what did I do daily,everything about my routine,seriously get off and let me live my life. Asking me many questions,acting like you care,wouldn't make me like you more than friends instead of get sick of you.I hate giving you my shitty responses,so don't drag me making it further.Don't force me to love you,it surely wouldn't work. You cant buy my love with your cheap talk. Never.I am there by myself when I fall hard,when I need someone the most,when nobody was wiling to lean their back for me to catch me. So what the point of me wanting you now as it was totally such a complete bull-shit.

Just for the record : I'm STRONGER,I'm WISER.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

I only went away so you could miss me.

Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth,with the grasses waving above the head,and listen to silence. To have no yesterday,no tomorrow. To forget time,to forget life,to be at peace.
--Oscar Wilde (The Canterville Ghost)

Friday, September 2, 2011

Running And Chasing

She's struggling into existence and now she's slipping silently from it.
She's being ignored and disregarded for so many times.
What is worse than that? She is just too numb for it.
She believe,all those pain will be lost in time,just like tears in rain.
She's the optimist,even its difficult :)