leaving on a jetplane.

"But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you,and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah knows,while you know not"

 semoga allah bawa pergi semua harapan pada hal-hal yang tidak pasti. dan semoga allah kurnia lebih kekuatan dalam menghadapi setiap ujian. salam ramadhan al-mubarak,pada yang sentiasa dan pernah ada dalam hidup ini.

counting stars

There's always a little bit of darkness in a day, but in the end, the happiness still takes over the scale. 

the art of letting go

"Before the word us turned into something singular, everything had already changed. You look back, really look back, and you see that he is not the same. And neither are you."

The same old story.

Activity, cares, worries, distractions - I am sick of them all. My joyous days have passed. I have cooled to them. In the educated world, amidst human beings, I feel the disadvantages of life too strongly, but alone, far from the crowd, I turn to stone.

There's just too much that time cannot erase.

Funny when you still can remember every single damn thing about someone and something that happened long time ago. Its good to hear the truth from both of us, even it took 5 years for us to finally able to speak it. 5 years to finally able to laugh out at the mutual feeling we had for each other before. 5 years to list out everything you once did for me to resemble the idea how much love you had for me. 5 years for me to know that you're still being laughed and manipulated by your friends until now about the fact you once help me to complete my Pendidikan Islam homework. 5 years for me living with the fact that it was only me who only still reminiscing all those memories,and you prove me that you never even once forget it. Thank you for being part of my memories and friend until now. :) 

All praise goes to ALLAH.

Untuk semua kesempatan,terima kasih Ya Allah.

Untuk semua doa-doa yang pernah kukirim,syukur Ya Allah.

Untuk peluang-peluang yang diberi,alhamdulillah Ya Allah.

# 7 Ramadhan 1434H.

Vacant.

I've been caught up by myself these days. These days have been real slow. Maybe its just me,or maybe its the bullshit around me. Too many things waiting to be completed,yet so little time. Standing in a crowd full of human beings, no matter how much the audience just fill the whole space,I can still feel alone. I know he always going to be around when I need a shoulder to cry on,but I cant always depending on his presence to make me calm. What if one day he's no longer there like those good ol' days.? I couldn't answer the question,but one thing for sure,I'll never ready for it. We both know how deep our feelings for each other are. 

Please stay and never leave,love.

Terrible cast for the role of lover.

" Kenapa kita suka sesuatu yang kita tak punya? Sebab kita belum tahu apa rasanya jika kita punya sesuatu tersebut. Dan kenapa kita susah nak hargai apa yang kita punya? Sebab kita belum pernah rasa kehilangan apa yang sudah kita punya. "



That describe best what I feel right now. *Heavy sigh.

I want to fill my mouth with your name.

Received something fluffy from him as a gift for my semester four result.  And something extraordinary from family for my hard work last semester. Hurrah! :) Cannot wait to celebrate his birthday but I'm still working my ass out to find the best present for him. Ah what I consider best must be veryyy low in price but high in quality,naaaahh just kidding. Still googling over here and there,found some that quite attractive and interesting/suitable but my budget isn't sufficient. Now I feels like scolding my own self because did not learn how to at least bakes cookies or cakes,if not I could surprise him with something I made by myself which will surely be given an added value from him for me. Hi hi.

I let you see parts of me that weren't all that pretty

7 complete days of my first week of holiday--one word,boredom. Too much things happens in a row,one by one,and most of them are not my favor. I wish I could have a small room of apartment,with nothing in it rather than a bed and plenty of books. I wish I could spent all my day there whenever I don't feel like facing anyone I don't want to. 

These past days I've gotten myself into more selfish person. Its sick when I push people away whenever I felt dudgeon and infuriated. I'd build up walls of pure silence and ignorance to see whether they're going to break the wall and clean up the whole mess,when almost every time,it was me who started it all. It hurts to the core to actually stare at the mess you made,letting the innocent ones to beg for your forgiveness and still put your ego up when it shouldn't be like that. My ego is big but my love is bigger. I can get too emotional over such little things where I know I supposed not to that. Well I guess that not so little me. 

He's too good for me but in return I treat him like dirt. He even text me good night saying 'Good night syg. I love you so much. I hope tomorrow you wake up happily and you'll still love me like you did before.' even after a big argument which was particularly started by me. I know one word couldn't simply cover up the pain but still,I am sorry. 

I love you,muhammad hafizuddin bin mohd yusof. 

Easily torn,not easily mended.

Its April, and I cant wait for you to end. Still have a lot to go through in this month even I'm actually supposed to enjoy my fucking holiday until June. Whatever the month is, in any whatsoever year, life's still and always a bitch. That statement is valid and to infinity will be.  Being numb is the best way so I'll be it. Whatsoever bullcrap I'm going to face,well lets just beat it.

To the moon and back.

Seeing how far we've come to right now, makes me scared of what's coming. It's been 7 months, still fresh, but I'm sure we can make it. We already did before, I can't think of anything that's impossible now,everything is beyond our limitation. My heart is nothing but room for you. It cant be filled by anyone except you.

Time of your life.

;  Happy 20th Bornday to my most wonderful dating partner since we're seven :) *throw candies* May good luck be your friend in whatever you do and may bad luck become an enemy to you. We might have small talk nowadays but my love to you never lessen. Thank you fr those good old days where you always being there each time I called you in the middle of the night just to actually have your opinion about my love story blergh :p I miss those days when we could have long crappy conversation through the home mobile. Time flies so fast, we've all grown up. So yes, Happy Bornday Ili Fatiha Amirah Bt Othman :D Sorry for the late post and small reminder, all present demand is invalid :D

Eyes on fire.

2 more suffocated weeks then I'm gonna sit for the final examination. Then lets bid farewell to this fucking chaotic semester. Semester four isn't a good semester for me, bunch of misunderstanding, loads of assignments, myriad of presentations that the tense I'm facing almost make my head to explode. I'm terrificly need the nearest exit to escape the reality that I'm facing right now. And yeah, I've come to the point where I realized that just because he doesn't love you the way we want him too, doesn't mean that he doesn't love you with everything he has. People said love is about being selfless, while what I keep on giving him is my selfish act, yet he still loves me to the bit. Ah shame on me. 

--Happy first 6 months of togetherness for us. Thank you for loving me in myriad ways.

January and his tense.

Had abandoned this blog for quite some time. Having a terrific urge to pour everything down here but I was struggling with time. Too many stuffs to handle,and I don't even have a time for my lil self. Everything is moving at such a fast rate and I'm still trying to keeping up with the pace although sometimes I am fatigued. Assignments waiting to be completed,too much of it. Like myriads of assignments to do that you could feel you barely able to think at all. Blame me for that too,because I just cant put aside my procrastinating hobby so yeah here comes the reality of facing it all at the same time. Silently wishing these tensile bricks wont break me into pieces again,or else,I have to deal with another jolt of pain stabbing in my chest.

Haven't lessened,never will.

All I know is that when I’m with you, I feel like being carried to bed by my parents when I was five years old when I fell asleep in front of the television. Its the feeling of secureness.

; One of the glories thing ever happened to me this year is you.
Lets walk together and never leave each other <3 

White lips,pale face.

Got news from other friend telling that tomorrow I'll be having class on 11 am straight until 10 pm. You know how pig headed  I get,when the class was supposed to start at 2,then it was switch into 11. God may I survive a very long day tomorrow.Its just a third week of being in semester four, and everything had seem to be complicated. I guess this year had went so quick, and my life is moving too quick. 

Its already December, only a couple week before everything for 2012 ended. Seeing how far we've come to right now,makes me scared of what's coming. I love you more than I did before,my love for you haven't lessened, thank you for loving me in myriad ways too.

Tell me, " It'll soon be alright ", and whisper to me those words that I want to hear.

Deja vu.

There's an acid inside my brain that kills away all the flower inside my heart. 

Weeping willow.

I want to live simply. I want to sit by the window when it rains and read books I’ll never be tested on. I want to paint because I want to, not because I’ve got something to prove. I want to listen to my body, fall asleep when the moon is high and wake up slowly, with no place to rush off to. I want not to be governed by money or clocks or any of the artificial restraints that humanity imposes on itself. I just want to be, boundless and infinite.

So long.

Holidays end just in another twenty four hour. The reality of semester four already tensed me up although it does not officially start yet. Semester three is okay--got an improvement in grades and my pointer went up,and he's treating me for lunch and a well spent day together as a present for my result,so I guess its all good. Thanks for him too,for being very helpful and keep me motivated when I'm all down. Thank you for staying up all night just to accompanied me study. Much appreciate,much love goes to you my other half. Semester four has successfully scared me off just by reading all the subjects that I have to face later on. Accepting new challenges is tougher than it was back then. Life as we know now could be the ultimate stranger in the future. No matter what,life goes on.

 All in all,holiday was a long time of wrapped up and being at home.